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Dearest twin,
No doubt the grave news - that our fateful parallel journeys have encountered their thirtieth winters - has by now reached you. I fear these claims are more than mere hearsay: my wretched digits have already begun to curl, and the skin of my cheeks has sallowed and withered. My once youthful complexion, widely celebrated and oft affectionately remarked upon by friends and strangers alike, has languished and conceded to a jaundiced imposter. So too does my back weary; with muscles atrophied and bones stricken with decay, my very form has crumpled from its erst proud standing which had attracted the admiration of so many well-wishers, and the romance of very many bedmates. As my eyelids shrivel and my voice wanes, and the stupor of old age besots my once fierce and meritorious mind, the memories of my innumerable victories and inimitable achievements, which so multitudinously bestrew the history of my juvenile conquests, fade to obscured fragments of dwindled former greatness. My now corrupted soul, defiled by the pernicious vagaries of a wanton, dissolute existence, and debased, having become depraved; perverted; indecorously apes the unblemished spirit moulded in perfect (by some accounts, exceeding) replication of an almighty God who, bewildered by the divine creation of so virtuous and celestial a mortal manifestation, vowed nevermore to build men of such magnificent and terribly tremendous a temperament. My feet also ache. I hope you are well. Yours truly, Tyson Some talks about classical simulation of quantum computers, given at Quantum Emulation 2024 in the British Library, London. Please forgive the temporary echo and constantly changing microphone and sound quality, as well as front tooth recently chipped in Switzerland, and the misremembrance of my name by my own company. Here is a shaky live-coding demonstration of QuESTlink in Mathematica, given on the same day. Such endeavours never work out. Anyone unlucky enough to be around me through the last 6 years will know that a profound (erm) dissatisfaction with the Oxford University student experience is my worst-kept secret. My collection of frustrating anecdotes has hit critical mass and spilled over into a satirical student survival guide. It is bound to offend, so wear your thickest skin.
To view the guide, click Read More in the bottom right. This is an academic rant about a recent provocative paper unlikely to interest the typical audience of my unprofessional blog. It's uploaded here so it can be linked when inevitable future papers show as profound a negligence in their presentation. Shitpost-seekers, seek elsewhere! To view, click Read More in the bottom right.
I was an undeserving invited speaker at the Quantum Innovation 2022 symposium, presenting unpublished research on classically simulating noisy quantum variational algorithms. This was miraculously the first successfully recorded talk of my PhD, yet frustratingly, the first I gave at 7am (4pm in Tokyo) after staying up all night. Watching below for some delirious slurring.
I recently completed my PhD thesis, having littered it with subtle jokes and snarky remarks. So that they won't go forever unread, buried within a painfully long and uninteresting grave, I collate my favourite below:
I recently read Borges’ Ficciones and was mesmerised by the prose, even after its translation from Spanish. Below I compile my favourite excerpts, grouped by why I like them.  To view, click Read More in the bottom right.
I recently wrote some very ridiculous notes for a highschool maths class at John Monash Science School. They may prove an interesting read to young mathematicians, older programmers, or general fans of tomfoolery. Read below, or download here.
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